Do you feel like you and your spouse are constantly fighting or discussing parents? I am sure in most marriages one spouse, if not both, feels parents are too involved.
The question being, what is too involved? I know of families that have to get together every Sunday and some that see each other once a year. Everyone has different expectations for family but maybe you simply do not know what too involved is.
Here are the top things I found to be “too involved”.
1. They Feel They Are More Important Than Your Spouse
In their eyes, their opinions and feelings are more important. The way they want you to parent will matter more than how your spouse parents. If you and your spouse agree on something and your parent comes in and tells you they are wrong. Here is a big sign they are too involved
Example: Your spouse would like to not attend the weekly family dinner and you can understand why. Parents would inform you it is about them and not your spouse.
2. They Tell You How To Raise Your Children
They stop you from parenting, constantly correct you on your parenting, or do what they want with your children. This can create a damaging relationship between you and your children if you are not cautious.
Example: When you go to correct your child for going outside when you specifically told them not to and grandpa comes up and says, “Oh knock it off. They are fine.” All the while guiding your child away.
3. Every Holiday Has To Be About Them
If your parents are constantly pressuring you to spend every holiday with them and do what they want, you have a problem.
Here is a secret… it is ok to not spend every holiday running around to different family gatherings. Even if your parents have “traditions” that they feel need to be met it is not your responsibility. If family holidays are stressful for yourself and your family, then stop going.
4. They Show Up Unannounced
If you want to come over, you call and ask. Even if we do not pick up your call. You wait till we call back and approve. “Stopping by” can create some very awkward and maddening situations.
Example: You and your spouse finally got the kids down for a nap and now it is mommy and daddy time. You are in your room getting frisky and the doorbell rings. Your husband quickly gets dressed, runs out, and you hear, “Oh, hey mom.”
5. They Call & Text Every Day
You should not be talking to your parents or feel like you have to every day. This is being way to dependent on each other. Especially if it stresses you out.
Example: While you are busy running your life your phone is constantly dinging with texts and calls. If you do not answer back within minutes they are calling again to check to see if your ok.
6. They Preach At Your Spouse
In my opinion, parents have absolutely no say in you and your spouse life. Unless there is proof of abuse. You are your own family now. If your parent is preaching at your spouse about anything. You have a problem.
Example: You quickly run to the gas station to grab more milk for dinner. When you get back you find your spouse sitting in the chair with head in hands while your father sits nearby harping away.
7. They Get Jealous Of In-Laws
If they feel and make you feel guilty for spending “too much” time with in-laws, they are probably just jealous. This can include holidays, weekends, or just whenever. It is your life and you should not feel guilty for spending time with in-laws.
8. They Comment Or Ask About Your Marriage
I never, never, ever would talk with parents about your marriage. If they ask, I would tell them to not worry about it. If you are having problems in your marriage your parents should never be who you go to.
They will always favor you over your spouse. One of your parent’s jobs, when you were younger, was to protect you and that probably is still an instinct.
Have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below!